Life’s Miracle

I walk slowly through the park, it is just after rain and the ground smells divine. The spring fragrance and children’s laughter fill the air. It’s a gorgeous day and I know that I just have to close my eyes and extend my hands to feel his presence. If I close my eyes I can hear his infectious laughter, see his lips curve into that sweetly crooked smile and feel the warmth of his hands in mine. He is always there with me just like he promised that day.

“Mom, who is going to take care of you?”

I look into his soft brown beautiful eyes and say, “Why sweetheart we are going to take care of each other.”

“No silly, I mean when I am gone”, he breaks into laughter, the sound tucks at my heart and I try hard not to give into tears and force a smile.

“Why don’t you take a nap dear and when you wake up we can go to the park”, I don’t want him to see my tears, “You would you like that, won’t you?”

“Oh can we do that mom? and can we get ice creams too?”

“Yes dear, all the ice creams you can eat.”

I tuck him in, a mammoth task, every time he closes his eyes I can’t get over the actuality of him never opening them again. That thought kills me. I turn down the lights and am at the door when he whispers “Mom, why do people die?”

I stand there for what seems like a million years contemplating an answer, how do I explain the complications of life and death to an eight year old, especially when I don’t have the faintest idea. I sit on the edge of his bed and take his hands into mine, his hands feel so small in mine, pale and tiny yet I also feel the strength of life in them.

“People die so that they can become angels and watch over the ones they love.”

He contemplates that statement, “Is Daddy an angel too?” I laugh out loud and he joins in. “Actually your Dad was more of a devil,” we laugh some more at that feeble attempt of a joke. “I am going to be an Angle and look after you always,” he declares with determination. That was a promise made 10 years ago.

“Moommmy”… that shakes me out of my reverie, I look up to see my five year old daughter on the swing, her father is hovering close by like an anxious mother hen, and catching my gaze winks. As I run towards them, I can not believe how lucky I have gotten. People may call it hogwash but I believe it’s the magic of a child’s innocent promise to his mother. A miracle of my beautiful son, my angle.